


tell me something that i'll forget (you might have to tell me again)

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Kissing, Fluff, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Sad, Sad Ending, chanyeol needs a punch in the face, kyungsoo needs 5000 hugs, way too emotional and dumb goes on for too long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 22:10:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17733587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: chanyeol keeps coming home shitfaced drunk and kyungsoo keeps believing his empty, slurred promises. over, and over, and over again.





	tell me something that i'll forget (you might have to tell me again)

**Author's Note:**

> this fic i decided to write when i listened to "you wrote "don't forget" on your arm" by flatsound but the fic is not really based on that song, i just got like one or two ideas from it lol
> 
> this is really sad and like...dumb  
> pls bear in mind im not a writer, things won't be worded that effectively n basically what im saying is this isnt very good 
> 
> [ the title is from the song "daddy issues" by the nbhd but the fic itself is based more on the song "the beach" by the same artist]

when chanyeol arrived back at his and kyungsoo's shared apartment, it was already 3:07am.

kyungsoo couldn't sleep. if he could, he would have been by then. but it was so difficult when his heart wouldn't stop racing, worried sick for chanyeol these past few weeks where he sometimes wouldn't return until dawn. 

his agitation made even the smallest of sounds, such as the incessant ticking of the clock or the gentle hoot of the owls outside, seem like inescapable din as opposed to simple and harmless background noise, which should be easy to ignore. 

he couldn't imagine what chanyeol was going through in order for him to do this, over and over again, when there's so much risk he's consistently put himself in. 

a loud giggle followed with the slamming of a door seemed to pull kyungsoo out of his head.

and there chanyeol stood, with a lopsided stance and a large glass bottle cradled in his arms. 

"afternoon, kyungsoo!" he greeted with a cheery grin and vigorous wave. his hair stuck up in all directions and his eyes were puffy and rimmed with red, tears still drying on his flushed cheeks. the way he smiled so hard would make one think he was trying to use his cheek muscles to dry his tears faster.

he was clearly crying at some point, but it was something kyungsoo chose to ignore, as it would only get worse if he addressed it. 

kyungsoo smiled back at him.

"it's not the afternoon anymore, chanyeol," he sighed fondly, taking the 3/4-empty vodka (or whatever it was) bottle from chanyeol's grasp, and helping him when he stumbled slightly, "where were you anyway?" 

"with baek and dae!!" he exclaimed, "but some police saw us so i came back here. got scared, y'know? don' know where the other two went but 'm sure they're fiiiiiiiine!" chanyeol singsonged, collapsing ceremoniously onto the sofa.

"anyway, i prefer bein' here with you, soo. you're all responsible n' calm. i love baek n' dae though. and junmyeonie....and sehun....." he started to drift, probably not even thinking about who he listed. 

kyungsoo's fondness and relief shined through freely in his expression- he was just glad chanyeol was okay. 

 

"soooooooooooooo........" chanyeol whined. 

"yeah?" 

"can i have a hug?"

kyungsoo sucked in a deep breath at that, trying not to think about where this would probably lead. 

"yeah, chanyeol. you can have a hug." he trudged over to chanyeol on the sofa, and flopped on top of him, being careful not to hurt him, and wrapped his arms around chanyeol, burying his face into his neck. 

he smelled like alcohol, but not unbearably so- he still smelled like the same chanyeol. it wasn't anything special, but it was comforting. at times like this kyungsoo could make believe that he and chanyeol had something. 

"soo. soo i'm really sorry i'm always doin' this these days. fuck, i can't even....see proper...." chanyeol mumbled, blinking excessively at kyungsoo, likely in an attempt to correct his vision. he gave up after a few seconds, leaning back to make his head fall against the arm of the sofa. 

"the ceilin' is all blurry, soo. you're blurry as well but y' still look pretty. big sparkly eyes 'n all...." the rambling continued and kyungsoo already felt queasy. 

kyungsoo stroked absently at chanyeol's brown, messy locks, twisting the soft strands around his fingers and rubbing affectionately at his scalp. 

"want anything to sober yourself up a little, yeol?" kyungsoo asked him with a tinge of concern in his voice. 

"nah." he answered plainly. 

a few seconds of pause proceeded before he followed himself up with more slurred rambling, "because... i don't wanna be sober really, soo. it's hard. n' its hard bein' around you, too. sometimes its so hard and i just i keep it all inside me, soo.... i don't mean it. i dont wanna be like that.... i trust you 'n i don't wanna be that way..." 

kyungsoo sighed before reassuring the distressed boy, "it's okay, yeollie. i know you don't mean it." 

"yeollie..." he parroted dreamily, "i like that. yeollie. i like everything y' say, soo. y've got such a pretty pretty voice. i love you n' i'm sorry i can't say this when i'm sober n' i'm probably....gonna fall asleep soon but i really love you, soo." 

"i know, yeol. i love you too, you know that." 

"no, stop!" chanyeol suddenly exclaimed, his voice cracking more and more as he spoke, the strain in his throat almost audible as he continued. 

"no, no y' can't say that soo 'cause then i'll wanna go out with you 'n kiss you 'n take you on dates 'n get...married 'n stuff but that's weird 'n dumb 'n im not even gay, soo, i'm not gay but your lips look so nice 'n whenever you're sweet to me my heart goes all fast.......i don't wanna be gay, soo. i'm not gay, right?" chanyeol asked expectantly, as if kyungsoo was the omniscient being with the answers to questions such as these. 

"i guess you're not gay, yeol, if you don't think so. you can be whatever you like, but it's okay to be gay." kyungsoo recited, having said similar spiels before. he was so fucking tired of this, tired of having these same conversations with chanyeol over and over, the same bullshit where kyungsoo gets chanyeol to accept his feelings, admit to them, act on them, all while intoxicated and then act like nothing even happened the next day. 

[kyungsoo still couldn't tell, after all these weeks, whether chanyeol genuinely couldn't remember, or if he just pretended. 

he stopped trying to bring it up the morning after ever since the first time, where kyungsoo said a simple, "love you." and chanyeol responded by raising an eyebrow and mockingly saying, "what's with you? we get married last night or something?" 

it was like a rock being dropped on kyungsoo's chest, but weeks later, the crushing feeling seemed to interlace itself with his daily life.]

 

"it's pro'lly just a phase, y'know like people say. i'm not really like this." 

the way chanyeol said it almost felt as if he was trying to convince himself of it, or begging someone to make it true. as exhausted as kyungsoo was, he couldn't help but pity chanyeol. he looked into chanyeol's eyes, the glassy glaze of tears not yet spilled met kyungsoo's gaze, and made his heart wrench for chanyeol. 

kyungsoo liked to pretend he didn't know why he was doing this. why he still bothered with chanyeol's drunk conflicts about his sexuality that clearly weren't going anywhere. he liked to kid himself that he wasn't still holding onto that little hope, in the back of his mind, that maybe one day he could finally be happy with chanyeol. 

he put up with it out of dumb, dumb hope and even dumber love. 

all kyungsoo wanted was to have chanyeol and his warmth and his dimples and how unbelievably friendly and charming he is. all he wanted was to be happy and all this was so much more emotional labour than it was worth but the hope was ever so persistent. 

even so, he wanted to get things over with. so when chanyeol glanced back up at him with his pupils blown wide, kyungsoo blurted out the only thing he could think about. 

"yeol, just kiss me." 

and chanyeol did. his lips were chapped and his tongue tasted like chemicals but even still, kyungsoo was high on the feeling of having chanyeol kissing him and the feeling of chanyeol's blushing cheek beneath his palm and chanyeol's breathless panting against his skin and quiet, quiet, oh-so pleased moans in kyungsoo's ear, and chanyeol's dopey smile and his sweet nothings, tiny scraps, tiny little love letters all blown in kyungsoo's direction, with chanyeol's handwriting and chanyeol's voice in his head and chanyeol, chanyeol, chanyeol. 

these were the moments that made all the agony worth it; where kyungsoo could simply let go and allow himself to be consumed by chanyeol and float aimlessly in heaven. the fact that chanyeol would only ever act this way with alcohol in his system was stuffed to the back of kyungsoo's mind, it didn't matter because this was all that mattered.

"i wanna be with you, soo." chanyeol stated, plainly. his voice was considerably less slurred now, it almost sounded sober. the tingling sensation was still present on kyungsoo's lips and chanyeol's were much more swollen. it almost made them look even more tempting. 

 

"i wanna be with you too, yeol. for really long now. i've been in love with you since we were kids and it's been really hard dealing with this so please just promise that it's real this time."  
there it was, kyungsoo's own confession. maybe that was what was missing.  
just for luck, he added,  
"please, chanyeol. i don't want to go through this anymore. not when we could just be happy together, so easily. it's so close, yeol. please, let it be real this time." 

chanyeol seemed to be hanging onto kyungsoo's every word, and eventually responded with,  
"i'm still really drunk. i might not remember this tomorrow. i really....i really don't wanna forget. i wanna be with you and i hope tomorrow me is strong enough to accept that i am in love with do kyungsoo. who is a boy. i wanna go on cute dates with you. i wanna play guitar for you, and write cliche songs, and be in love." 

kyungsoo wanted so badly for chanyeol to remember. he wished and wished and while he was wishing, chanyeol had picked up a black sharpie and was scrawling something in wobbly handwriting on his forearm. 

"don't forget" is what it said in big letters, with a lopsided heart drawn next to it. 

"if this doesn't make sober-me remember, i don't know what will."

they fell asleep next to each other.

 

the next morning, kyungsoo woke up alone. he panicked for a second, before noticing the sounds coming from the bathroom. chanyeol was only showering. kyungsoo sighed in relief and decided to go and make some eggs, whistling along to some dumb love song that he heard a lot on the radio. 

his cheerful mood was interrupted by a low, almost pained, "um.", coming from behind him. 

before kyungsoo could respond, the noise continued. 

"i'm not....i'm not a fag, kyungsoo" 

ah, there it was. the crushing sensation again.

kyungsoo turned around to see chanyeol with red, blotchy cheeks and obvious tears dripping off of his face. the writing from the previous night had been violently rubbed away with water into nothing but an ugly, inky smear. the water droplets from the scrubbing were still slipping off of chanyeol's arm, and diluted sharpie ink lingered on his palm and fingers too.

kyungsoo couldn't find it in himself to be angry. if anything he should be angry at himself for expecting any different. he almost felt a snarky insult or even just a heartbroken, confused question rise up his throat, but he forced it down with a gulp. there was no use in fighting.

"yeah...i know..uh... me neither, yeol." he replied simply, avoiding eye contact and trying not to let on any emotion.

"yeah...good." chanyeol nodded.

it came out more strangled and pathetic than assertive or even certain, but kyungsoo wouldn't mention that.

a slam of the door, left kyungsoo in silence again. in the exact same place he's been, time and time again. sick to his stomach, throat constricting, struggling to breathe.

"don't forget ♡."

kyungsoo is an idiot for pinning his hopes on those two words, when he knows too well that chanyeol will never want to remember.

**Author's Note:**

> if u thought this was shit, well done i agree but drop a kudos and sm will make the chansoo subunit. 1 kudos = 1% chance of chansoo subunit pls we need it


End file.
